i can’t change anyone; people must change for themselves. else, only their facades would be able to change.
disappointment is everywhere.
you have proven, time and again, that you are my one and only source of joy/inspiration/will to keep me going. i have gone through so many rough patches in the past year and a half that i thought i’ve had enough. but you keep on pulling me through. without even trying— without even knowing the dread i feel for the increase of my life’s mediocrity as each day elapses. i don’t want to go on and on about how our souls may or may not be connected by some divine thread, by some unknown or otherworldly phenomenon, or by just the sheer belief that i did, probably, once, hold pure, unselfish, platonic love for you— i think i’m tired of seeking for an explanation for the oddness between me and you. simply put, you still make me happy, no matter how much of ourselves have changed, and i guess i should just leave it at that. (on a side note: i find it frustrating how i don’t think i could ever sufficiently stress the amount of gratitude i have for having you in my life, even though we’ve only had a few peeks into each other’s lives.)
the previous message is long, oh my golly. realization: i haven’t written/spoken a single word about you for a long time and now that i have again, i feel… fine again. like something has been restored.
crushes, crushes, crushes. i’m tired of having them. they’re fun, but having them does get unnecessarily depressing.
oh, envy! there are just people that have such perfect lives! if we were all canned goods, i’d be the can with huge dent and a tiny hole on it. harharharharharhahrharharhahrharharhhar. bitterness ensues?
i used to believe that everything happens for a reason. last year, i realized that it’s hard to believe in such an idea when the things you hate the most happen to you. … still, i wonder what reason these were all set out for. or should i make that reason? i wonder, i wonder.
i swear i’m going to be a cat lady someday because everyone’ll hate my fear of disappointment and my clamor for what is humanly impossible.
i want nyan cat merchandise and i want them now.
YOU THERE. i hope you’re okay because i don’t like seeing you not okay because it makes me paranoid and crap and i don’t even know what to do because i don’t normally think of how i act around you but now i do so stop being around me so we can all just live life happily and EVERYTHING WILL BE PAINLESS thank you very much MOVING ON
i am still obsessed with the genuine and the quintessential but now i think that this obsession has driven me to doubt and mistrust people hardeeharharahar THERE IS NO ASSURANCE ANYWHERE
i think i’m fickle but maybe i’m not. maybe it’s called “living in the moment”. or maybe i should just stop making huge, spur-of-the-moment decisions and start writing things down— oh wait i’ve done that, but sometimes i don’t feel like it, so i wing it. winging things works sometimes.
