I knew it.

You see, when I take things seriously, and I mean REALLY seriously, I tend to turn into a… perfectionist… of sorts, and right now, I’m taking this whole life-fixing thing more seriously than I ever have. (Because uh I’d rather not turn 20 without trying to actually FEEL like I’m turning 20.)

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a perfectionist. In fact, it’s something everyone should strive to be.

The only problem I’m finding in this is that: disappointment now comes way too easily, and that means people can disappoint me easily, and that means I might get annoyed at people more often now. Sadly, loneliness and isolation seem to become more and more appealing to me (— attractive, even), despite the constant disagreement of “my heart”.

See, this is why I don’t enjoy taking things seriously. But… it’s a must if I want to attain everything I believe will make me happy, or content, at the very least.

This issue needs to be resolved soon. School’s about to start, and I have to make some sort of compromise, quick.

Because I haven’t posted any in a while. :’)

• Buses are still nice. Despite having rude old women yelling at conductors (and vice versa). The nicest people though seem to be the ones on the un-airconditioned buses.
• Chivalry is dead, and I’d like for it to stay dead. Not because I don’t want men treating women too nicely. It’s more of: I want people treating people more nicely. Not because they’re of a more generally-known-to-be-more-frail sex. Not because they’re supposed to be impressed. But because everyone deserves being shown some kindness from strangers every now and then. This all boils down to: I have never seen a woman offer her bus seat to a man. (But then again, knowing our highly judgmental nature, some of us might question this man’s masculinity, if ever he does accept the offer. lol society thanks)
• Thank you. <3 You are, too. :’D
• OH, so you know something of it, then? :)) Thought you didn’t lol
• Best day ever, today. Too tired to celebrate, though.
• Was getting quite tired of having unnecessary things (or, more specifically: people) pressure me into doing and thinking of things too much and too often. So yeah I sort of just told myself “hey you know what, i’m tired; let’s stop being tired okay” so here i am yay
• Oh dear god why did I accept this offer; I shouldn’t have. I do want it, but. Not right now, not like this.
• Also: doesn’t it suck when your supposed friends assume things instead of ask you directly? Talk about things behind your back instead of tell you directly? And in the rare chance that you’re told something directly, you’re told in a threatening, controlling manner? The hell is this? A game? And what am I? A pawn? Obviously all their personal interests are at play here and it juuust geeeeetttttsssss sickeniiiiinnnggggg.
• Since when has friendship become a business deal (where obviously interests are at play— politics)?
• I KNOW YOU’RE HIDING SOMETHING HUHU PLEASE TELL US ALREADY, WE WON’T JUDGE YOU, WE PROMISE! D: (do we look like the judging kind? if so: i am so sorry ;_; we’ll try to look less-judging i swears)
• Dark times caused by dark things far from the assumed. Made even darker by the “choose this, or else” vibe going on. Um, what?
• Some people only seem to know facts, but never even bother understanding why they came to be. Hence, the lack of proper action altogether. As I keep saying, time and time again: there is a reason for everything.
• On a completely different note altogether: some people are so damn bored with their own lives, they have to actively make issues out of other people’s lives (by this, I mean: literally and quite actively [and knowingly] ruin crap for other people), just for that tiny shard of entertainment. Assholes. (Pardon my language.)
• Working makes me hate school all the more. More time for studying now than ever. And ah, the environment is amazing. People are actually treating each other equally— no one feels better or worse than another. No superiority crap. (We do call some people masters, but they are very willing to share their knowledge with you. Not at all intimidating!) All are collaborative, supportive, willing to both teach and learn. All are there to help each other out. when needed. For once, I actually don’t feel dumb. For once, I actually believe that I am capable of something. Something that can be huge. And for once, there is no voice in my head yelling at me to “prove myself to people”. Because there isn’t anything to prove here. There are only things to learn. And to improve on. Both as a team and as an individual. It’s just so… wow. I feel like I’ve been missing out a lot from the good side of the fence. These people are… really good people. It’s just… nice… to feel this way— to know that such feelings exist, such groups of people exist, such camaraderie exists! Ah, and everyone’s so honest, but still so nice, like they’d be all “I’m only saying this so you can improve, because I want to see you improve, because I care about what you’re doing,” and then they’ll give suggestions— which you can agree with and disagree with and ahh your opinion actually matters here, and you’re given time to explain what you think and why you think that way and ahhhhhjlakjflegj I’m kind of sad my internship ends in two weeks… but I’m glad I will be in constant contact with these people over the course of the year. For important reasons. Hopefully schoolwork doesn’t interfere with this. (And vice-versa.)
• It’s funny how emotions can be so easily feigned online. =)) :(( ;_; T_T y_y :’D Haha but you’d only be fooling yourself if you did feign them. *u*
• I want to be a lot of things but oh my where do I even begin?
• I really need to read V for Vendetta soon. I think I’m going to have to resort to downloading for now, then buy the real thing (packaged with V’s mask!!!) ages later